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Just Another Stuff For Unemployed Mind

25 Most Embarrassing Things in the World

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You even knocked and got no response! That’s what happens when people bring their iPhones into the bathroom with them. Thanks again, technology. You will never be able to look at your boss the same way now that you know what he looks like playing Angry Birds on the can. You were thinking about getting a new job, anyway.

Say it don’t spray it, amiright? But sometimes your mouth doesn’t get that message and sprays it all over the place when you have this hilarious story to tell. They probably didn’t even notice that drop of your spit landing on their upper lip. Nope, they noticed. Just ignore them wiping your spittle away and finish the story like nothing happened. They will soon be too distracted by laughter to care about your juicy germs.

Thank goodness summer is over and you don’t have to worry about this embarrassing walk of shame much longer. It really is a long walk from one side of campus to the other and you can’t help it if that ten minute rush to make it on time leads to an unsightly puddle on your lower back. But everyone else is dealing with the same problem too, right? Maybe?

“Heeyy… Bob!” “My name is Bill.” “Yeah! I know! Bob… is what I call everyone! It’s my funny nickname for all the people I like!” “Riiiight.” He’s your neighbor, not your wife, so what do you need to remember his name for?

Swear up and down that you pushed the lock, but that won’t make getting through Thanksgiving any easier after your brother in law walks in and finds out you peeing sitting down. We know it’s more comfortable but, no matter how much you accurately comment on the football game, he will never stop calling you a girl.

Not that you care, really. You had some episodes of Louie to catch up on anyway and you really can’t put that off much longer. See, you know your friends were just being considerate of your other commitments! They will totally invite you next time!

Some people think it’s embarrassing enough just having to wear a bathing suit in a public place, but to take that one step further after an epic canon-ball and have the bathing suit come off is something altogether worse. You wanted to be remembered for how huge that splash was, not how your junk is shaped exactly like Louisiana. Are bathing suit suspenders a thing?

What the hell?! These pants totally fit you last summer! This is so lame! The threading must be faulty or something. Does anyone have a sweater for you to borrow? Yeah, just tie that around your waist and no one will know the difference. You’ll just have to bear the shame of wearing a sweater around your waist.

Toilets are just the worst. No one really wants to talk about them ever, much less when you innocently used your friend’s facilities and it somehow ended up overflowing. Even if you did have the biggest iced tea before going in there, it is pretty impossible to be blamed for that. But you will be.

Listen, if they haven’t updated their Facebook status with the blessed news, DO NOT CONGRATULATE THEM. And if you don’t know the person well enough to be Facebook friends, why are you even talking to them about their reproductive abilities? She is glowing because she just ate an entire pint of ice cream and you should just leave her the hell alone.

Okay, so Carol is really terrible at her job and probably should be fired, but does that mean she should have overheard your impression of her trying to send a fax? As hilarious as it is, probably not. You have really got her weird accent down this time, though. Kudos. She’s crying in the ladies room now.

Oh, real funny guys. What are we, 11? God, they are so immature. Just wait til you get them back at the party tomorrow night in front of all the new sorority pledges. It would have been a whole lot less embarrassing if you hadn’t decided to see what “going commando” felt like today.

Note to self: stop going to the burrito cart for lunch every Wednesday. Sure they’re delicious, but people are starting to suspect it isn’t just a weird smelling elevator phenomenon when that odor wafts out of the almost empty area for their ride back up to the office with you.

You won the pie eating battle, but you lost the not-throwing-it-up war. It might have been a bigger mistake than you realized to choose the Throttler for your victory lap. Being spun so fast you are held back only by gravity is a lot more fun when it isn’t also causing you to shower yourself, your date, and a group of 7 year olds with the partly digested prize winning pie. Next time go for the teacups.

No matter how many times you say, “Oh gosh, this is so embarrassing,” they still won’t give you that pack of gum for .59 cents instead of .75, and no one else is going to pony up the difference for you. Just get out of line or use your debit card like the rest of us. Yes, your mom will transfer you some more money later, so you can stop texting her about it already.

How many people did you see before the one person that let you know of your gross “bat in the cave” situation? Way too many people. Thinking back, you did notice they were all not-too-subtly itching and wiping their own noses. It’s allergy season, how were you supposed to know what they were signalling to you? And—oh, of course today was the day you got your picture taken for the school paper. Now no one will pay attention to how you revitalized the intramural frisbee team. Maybe they’ll Photoshop it out?

Since the most flagrant nudity in gym locker rooms is perpetrated by the exceedingly elderly—a condition of aging wherein they don’t care whether or not their core is sculpted so long as they played a good game of racquetball—this situation is not only terrible due to simple nudenity, but the texture of said nudity is so aged and wrinkly that it will haunt you in your dreams the rest of your life.

There were few teenage boys in the 90s who didn’t have a sexual identity crisis brought on by the not one, but three androgynous blond signing sensations known as Hanson. You had to rethink everything you were learning about yourself just when you were totally sure you loved boobs. Even though you know now that you for sure love boobs, you still get a chill every time you hear the chorus to “Mmmbop.” You should talk to your dad about David Bowie sometime

Quick! Pretend you were swatting away a fly! Or fixing your hair! Anything to cover up the fact that this person’s seemingly harmless gesture to their friend has effectively crumbled your fantasies of being their soul mate. Dammit, just don’t let them see you cry.

Maybe if you try saying it just one more time… Man, they are totally missing out on your amazing personality. Don’t they know you have so much first-hand experience with almost everything they’re talking about? What isWRONG with these people? Just wait til your Xbox Live friends hear about this.

You took that photo as a joke, okay? Your girlfriend is spending the semester in Germany and you were having a goof on that dumb “sexting” thing everyone is talking about. She thought it was hilarious and sexy. No, she didn’t send anything back of her, but that isn’t the point.

Regardless of whether or not the stoppage was caused by an overuse of paper or insufficient water pressure, if you need to ask a friend where they keep their plunger, you might as well spend the rest of your friendship holding a sign that reads “My body excretes so much, modern plumbing, as impressive as it may be, is still not advanced enough to handle my bowel movements.”

If it weren’t for your parents having sex, you wouldn’t be wedged between them on the couch watching two of Hollywood’s most talented actors (that aren’t above doing this sort of thing to garner attention) making sweet, sweet, scripted love. No matter how tastefully done the scene is, you won’t be able to get the thought of your parents doing the same thing out of your mind.

Seeing someone do anything without pants on makes for an uncomfortable experience. It’s one of the many reasons why soccer will never catch on in America. At least when you walk in on a person you know having sex, they have someone besides you to share their embarrassment with—and more importantly, remind them to stop making that face.

Your parents love you and would do absolutely anything within their power to see you succeed. That being said, they would probably be all right with settling for never having to see you hunched over treating your body like it’s a PlayStation in the computer room ever again. Masturbating is essentially waving the “white flag” of romantic defeat—often at an alarmingly fast rate—and no one likes to admit to their parents that they’ve failed.

via collegehumor


Written by Mjay

September 28, 2011 at 03:00

Posted in FYI Stuff, Life Stuff

Tagged with ,

One Response

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